Life...

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing hope for the human race. I mean, people these days are so rude, everyone is in a hurry, and no one seems to give anyone else a second thought. It's very sad to me. We are in this together, right?! It doesn't seem like it to me anymore. I know there are good people out there, I just haven't run across any lately......

On another note....Adam is scheduled to get out of the Marine Corps in January of 2012, which is about a year and a half from now. I am supposed to graduate from nursing school in May of 2012. He's gone back and forth on the notion of signing up for another enlistment. It really depends on how work is going. I think it's been going good lately, because he talks more and more about staying in and making a career out of it. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this. When he first joined the Marine Corps I absolutely hated the way life was going. He left for boot camp Jan 08' came back in April, our daughter was born in May, and then June 1st he was off to combat training. Immediately after that he went to MOS school at Twenty Nine Palms in CA. He was in CA, and I was in Memphis, TN. In Sept 08' he was done w/ MOS, and went to his first duty station, Cherry Point, NC. I assumed now the kids and I would move to NC to be w/ him. Well, this isn't exactly how it played out at first.

He seemed to be having second thoughts about something. Was it me, the kids, or did he just want a new life to himself??? He gave me the run around for a while, then I finally found out that he had been talking to this girl that he met in CA. She was actually just vacationing in CA. I didn't ever find out the extent of their relationship, and I really don't care to know. Back then I did, but now I don't. It really doesn't matter. Obviously we worked through the whole thing. We didn't move to NC until March of 09'. We saw him only a few times from June of 08' to March of 09'.

I was very lonely during that year. I had and infant and a toddler to raise by myself. Meanwhile he is having second thoughts about the whole thing. I think this was the reason why the Marine Corps put a bad taste in my mouth at first. I felt that it had changed him, for the worse. He seemed to be an arrogant, non-caring person. Given he was no angel when I met him, but this was just ridiculous.

As time went on, I became more comfortable with being a Marine wife. I've learned what I need to do. I'm really proud of myself for that. I don't really have many other marine wife friends though. I'm not that big into the military functions that go on around here. That's just me though. So back to the original thought, do I want to live the military life for a good chunk of my adult life?? Some days I think it would be great. I would love to see other parts of the country, and possibly other countries. It would definitely not be horrible having two good stable incomes coming into the household. But then there's the thought of the unknown. I have no clue what a deployment feels like b/c he's never been on one. I'm sure I would deal with it just fine for the most part. But the thought of what could possibly happen makes me cringe. Do I want to live for 15+ years worrying about whether or not he will be deployed, and then if he does, then I will be worrying about whether or not he will come home whole, or come home at all. I don't know the answer to my question. I guess I will have to go w/ the flow, and see where life takes us....